a downer.

So tonight im having a moment.. I'm moody as all hell, I'm emotional I keep crying at the drop of a hat.. it's awful..

Ben is really pushing my buttons today! they say leaving is the hardest thing on earth to do.. breaking the cycle of abuse is really hard. but you forget how hard it hits them though. I knew this was going to be difficult but i didnt think it was going to be ben that made my life difficult..

and now that im all emotional im all insecure and paranoid stupid brain playing games with me.. I really must go back on my tablets but the doctor said i will have side affects for the first  2 weeks well thats all good when u have someone else to look after the children if you need to go to bed.. i dont have that option anymore. well not that i really did have that option before but it seemed more accessable than it is now.

I am completely missing my ook and lila they probably hate me so bad right now.. poor things my poor babies.. there is nothing better than the affection of a cat. they are such sensual creatures! one things for sure i will always have cats..