how far is to far?

when it comes to the "no sex b4 marriage" deal how far is too far? how do u control those barriers that in some cases can! get the better of u.. I think its one of the hardest things to control esp when the chemistry is there!


I am such a "thinking" person. that i worry about everything.. i cant even relax with out stupid thoughts going through my head.. I am so self concious about my body i just if i get touched i tense up.

i hate my mind why do i have a mind like this? its stupid. not everyone is going to get up and leave me! well actually everyone does. but it doesnt mean mcdreamy is. he says he loves me so maybe he really does? maybe it will work but maybe it wont. im just so sick of failing at everything that im scared if i let my heart go i will get way too hurt and i can't deal with being hurt again. im over it. i am so sick of getting hurt being treated like shit and this is a good thing! its a bloody good thing! NO ONE has ever made me feel like mcdreamy does... for starters i HATE sex it was ruined for me as a kid and i have never ever been able to feel comfortable doing it. but ....... i feel comfortable with him.. and nothing has  happened this is just my thoughts as to how do u stop it if it gets that far? not that it would hear anyway mum would never forgive me LOL! ha ha plus its completely wrong.. u dont "do it in your mums house" oh hurry up house i need u!
so anyway back to the how far is too far? i guess i just have to trust my self that it wont go too far.. because i think i know how much it would hurt afterwards.. we would have failed.. failing is my biggest fear.

anyway better go..

I <3 my mcdreamy..

j