"When you were a kid , you
often could not just enjoy the good things without looking forward to the
bad things that might just possibly ( and probably would not have)happen
in the end , you often sabotaged the good things and sub consciously made
yourself sad and un happy."
and she is right.. 100% right i do this. I do it every day. I am 100% waiting to fail with daniel I'm waiting for it. because i expect it to happen! and instead of thinking of the "what if's" i should be just embrassing life as it comes.! of course i dream and i pray that he be the one i marry and the one that becomes my life long partner. i couldnt imagine a better life! but i need to cut the thinking that its going to end badly.. because for all i know. it may not. I actually deep down don't believe it will ever end! I have this feeling that its the real thing. the real thing that everyone seems to have right! kate and dan they have what seems like an awesome marriage. they both have and had awesome parents and from what i know pretty grounded up bringings.
same as jen and julian, they are made for each other both of them are so mature and have such individual lives and tastes in culture and are just so smart hard working people.
em and joe I believe love each other with all their hearts they are good for eachother. but also from the younger generation but still they love each other.
Then there is mum and dad who must have been married for 40 years nearly? i dont really know the number but its more than 25 because they had their silver anniversary when i was young! their marriage? is the marriage i want. I want the one where the man loves his wife unconditionally who looks after her, works his bum off at work and comes home and tells his wife he loves her.. for as long as i can remember dad was always helping mum with the housework.. me and emma had it easy! clean our rooms and do the dish washer which we still managed to fight over.! but dad would get up early go to work and come home. get wood help out side inside. make mum cups of tea and they always sat together to watch tv or when they were reading.
I went for tea tonight and dads been working all day but he still is there helping. helping with tea helping with the table. he is amazing! and if i get half the husband my dad is im a lucky woman! and when i walk down that isle about to marry the man of my dreams I for sure know who will be holding my hand and who will be giving me away!
anyway mum and dad have the most rewarding most inspiring marriage in the world. they gave up so much for us girls growing up so we could go to netball play music etc. and always loved each other, dad never raised his voice unless he was really mad and that was rare. he really loved me and im lucky.. yes i now have my biological father. but rob will always be the best dad ill ever have!
I think from now on my life will be good. i will embrase it and i will run with it. and ill be darned if im going to let it go!
and i have my family to thank. and ill be forever grateful!
i love u all and am so thankful for this second chance to keep my mark on the family.
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