a very hard decision.

I had to make a very difficult decision today.. and that was not to allow my brother who is currently in a remand centre come and stay with me. my reasons for making such a horrible decision are these

A: I have just started my newly exciting life. I have met daniel, i get 2 nights away from the kids every week and one of those is what i like to call "date night" its mine and daniels night. we dont usually go out we usually stay home and watch dvds but mostly we talk, and we talk.. and i might just kiss him every now and then! :P

B: I have  beautiful kids who are just starting to come out of their shells again. and have started their new life which i guess would be pretty confusing to them. but they now have some kind of structure. they are home with me.. mon til thursday. thursday night they go to their dads and come home saturday arvo.. sunday we have family day..and now that will start to include daniel, If we are to one day become a full and happy family well we need to spend time together all 4 of us because sure its great when its just daniel and i but anyway.

C: I havent got the energy or the brain function to handle my brother right now. he has mental issues and i just dont think i could give him the home he needed. although i do love him and i love spending time with him and for goodness sake i miss that i cant see him.. it breaks my heart. josh and i have a connection that none of the others have.. we have been through everything together and i just have this love for him and i just feel helpless that i have chosen my family over my brother. and thats silly because he is my family.
anyway as hurtfull as this is i have to do whats right. if not for daniel but for my kids.

the thing i worryy about is if he is going to not ever talk to me again.. if so ive lost him and i cant get him back. but i made the decision and now its up to somene else to help him.

anyway it is date night and my wonderful boyfriend will be here any minute.
woo hoo!!!!!!!!!! snuggles on the couch watching dvds. couldnt think of a better person to spend my nights with!