something just died.

I know i should be feeling all supportive right now but i am not feeling it. I feel like I'm not really sure now. I know that from the start of our relationship both of us decided we wouldnt participate in any form of sexual contact, however that was a really hard decision to make but obviously we broke it and it has been fantastic, I had gone from a person who could not enjoy it and quite frankly i never had a choice in the matter, i either did it or it got done for them! anyway from that to a person who actually enjoyed that closeness and now as much as i am trying to understand it has to stop, someone came and spoke at daniels church and now i dont understand. we have to go see some church person to see where we are headed, and whilst i will for sure support daniels decision, i just feel like something has been taken away from me. like everything else does... something is good and then its too hard so they give up. I wouldnt be me if i couldnt write all this down. i guess it will be for the better but  i dont get why we would stop? i feel like its killed something, i kinda feel rejected even though i should be flattered and excited that someone would want to marry me sooner than planned well thats if i dont know. u really dont know. just wish id stuck to my guns, ahh this is really crappy.
really crappy. im supose to be acting all adult like but i feel like throwing myself at a brick wall. why go back? why take something away that was so good? why? why why why? where to now? what go back to the before bits? just totally forget what we have done? until when? argg this is stupid! my brain cant function on this..